If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
