pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
as a side note pls kill me
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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