I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
