Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
