It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
