Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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