woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
