Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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