it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I am midnight drunk by noon
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
