do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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