Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
