lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
