I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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