A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
