Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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