not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
