I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
