She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
