So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
