at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
