I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
