if you like me you must not know who I am
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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