look no pants
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
