Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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