i may or may not be watching the land before time
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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