Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
