there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
They are going to name an STD after you.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize