the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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