Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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