how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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