you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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