i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
