the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
FUCK WHALES
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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