I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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