I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
