this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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