I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
