maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
