My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
