He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
