I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
