I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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