Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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