We need to rekindle our bromance
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
