Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
