3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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