I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
