That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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