You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
