if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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