Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I need to align my fucking chakras
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
