just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
